you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
