I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
