So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
