If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize