no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm, like, this ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ close to buying crocs
And you're also ðŸ¤ðŸ¼ to never putting your dick inside me again
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