Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
