coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
