you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
