yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
