oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
