don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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