OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
