last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
