Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
