You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
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At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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