this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
