I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
