Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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