I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
