the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
