I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Found the puke drawer
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
