My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
