he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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