i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
