He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
