What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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