I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
