my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize