I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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