and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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