I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
