I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
