i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
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The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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