Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
