i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Randomize
