she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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