woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
