Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
