I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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