I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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