he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
...so i touched it.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
