It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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