piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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