if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
