Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
