The maid of honor just puked.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
