yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
