i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize