Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
