Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
