Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How naked do you want me to be?
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