I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize