So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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