I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
