problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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