Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
