You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i already hear my dad disowning me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
