i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
