You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
