my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
