I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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