my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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