Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
