I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
