He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
