Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just want to make out with him forever
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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