I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
