Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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