Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
