those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
