Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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