Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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