So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
