You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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