i love accidental penises.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
