I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Vodka?
Forever.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
