u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
