Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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